Alone

Published on 06/30,2009

Unfortunately I have entered another deep depression that is unexplained. I'm in what they call the dark pit of despair. What else can I say? I feel haunted. At moments I can feel myself gripped in fear. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to. No one. I'm scared and alone. It is always dark and empty in my house. It's deathly silent. Soon I will have to turn out all the lights and sleep alone.

Binge eating used to be my medication. Similar to that of an opium addiction, binging used to numb me out completely. Now when I binge, it does nothing. I do not even feel any hunger anymore, but I still eat in hopes of reaching that numbing sensation I used to feel. However, binging no longer has the same effect. I feel dead. 

I apologize for this melancholy tone in my blog, but what else can I do? Where else can I go? I'm screaming but only in my mind. I don't know how to pull myself away from this. I hope I can.


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Responses to Alone

  1. sarah says:
    07/01,2009, at 08:58
    Visit sarah

    girl i feel you! i was just there... in fact, i was there for a long time and at times i still have those times. the time when you need to get out and do something among the living is going to be the time you least feel up to it. if it happens at a time when you can not get out of your house do something artistic or read a book... anything to relax you... anything besides food;) please know you always have me. if you want to email me i can respond faster. my email is elizchi@gmail.com

  2. Joan says:
    07/02,2009, at 04:19
    Visit Joan

    Hi Dear,
    I want you to know there is hope for your depression. Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ? All hope lies in HIM. God loves you so much, does not matter what you have done. All you have to do is acknowledge that you are a sinner and that you need Him (Jesus). Jesus will come speedily to you, right there in the privicy of your own home. Jesus Died for your sins and so that you can have peace and joy in this live and the next life to come. You know Jesus is the LIGHT, and the light that is Jesus will drive out all fear and darkness in your soul. Only God through Jesus can free you. I don't know you, but I want you to know that I love you, but I can never love you and know you like Jesus can. Please get a Bible and start reading the book of John.
    The Love of Jesus conquers all.
    I will check in with you soon.

    Love from Jesus Christ.