Secret

Completely Ridiculous.

    When I take a step back and observe myself from the outside looking in, I can't help but chuckle to myself. Here I am, so overly obsessed with my body to the point of insanity. One of the first things I do when I wake up in the morning is to go to the mirror and check out my stomach to see if my prior work-out from yesterday made a difference. Does that sound anything close to logical? Do I need to be justified in my appearance before stepping out the door? Clearly, the beauty of the world outside and the fascination of socializing and learning isn't foremost on my mind like it should be. To witness my stomach shrinking is my primary goal and concern.

    I spend so much of my time obsessing about other peoples opinion about my appearance. The irony of it all is that everyone is so concerned about their own appearance that they really don't give a shit what I look like. Will losing ten pounds really help me succeed in life? In the grand scheme of things, will I feel spiritually and emotionally fulfilled in any way if I were a few sizes smaller? Will losing weight give me an A on my final exam? No. Maybe if I obsessed about things that actually mattered, I wouldn't be thinking about donuts and Lays potato chips all the time. In reality, my "fat days" are responsible for most of my bad days. If I wasn't so concerned about how tight my jeans feel on me each day, then my overall bad days would decrease considerably. 

    I am being honest when tell you I chuckle to myself about all this because it really is ridiculous. I have this abstract mentality that "If I was thinner, I would be happy." Apparently I haven't the slightest clue what true happiness really is if I think I can find it by losing weight.