Secret

Life, love, and liberation.

    Last night I had the oddest feeling. Usually at night before I go to bed, I always have powerful urges to give in to my ED. If I'm strong enough to resist, I at least fantasize about food and wish that I could be binge eating. However, last night I had absolutely no desire to binge. I felt a normalcy about me that I haven't felt in years. To be honest, I was so confused as to why I wasn't thinking about food that I actually made myself have mental images of tasty food and instead of having my mouth water, I was totally repulsed. I haven't binged for three days and I have been eating the same meals each day, so I'm not quite sure why this night was any different. I hope days like those happen more often where I'm not constantly being magnetized to the fridge. I hope days like those happen more often where I actually feel like a normal human being. 

    Day four here we go. I plan to spend upwards to 10 hours in the library completing a research paper today, so there is about an 80% less chance of binging today since I usually like to binge in the privacy of my room. However, the cafeteria has lured me in before, so I shouldn't let my guard completely down.  At the entrance of the cafeteria there is a beautiful display of baked goods. My ultimate weakness. Sometimes I get a little angry that they have to display all my binge favorites front and center like that, but luckily lack of money is causing me to think twice before I binge eat. 

    I'm traveling to Vernon on the 19th to see my boyfriend. I am such a dedicated girlfriend that I am willing to suffer through a 12 hour bus ride to see him for a couple of days. Admittedly, I like to go there each month during the summer when we're apart as a reassurance to ease my mind. I completely trust him, no doubt, but if any of you have had a long distance relationship then you probably understand where I'm coming from. Love is very intense. We're so emotionally involved that it almost frightens me, but in a good way.

I've talked about a lot of random things today, and I have noticed that my blogs are getting progressively longer each time.  I shall end it here.

Cheers