Fighting fear means fighing ED
I want to thank all of you for your love and support. Your comments give me the strength and insight to keep on trying. Deb, thank you for your prayers. I can't remember the last time someone has honestly taken the time to pray for me, and I really appreciate it. I will also be praying for all of you here fighting the battle of ED.
Lately I have been searching for the root cause of my binge eating disorder. While I was thinking about this, I realized my binge eating is triggered by fear. I began binge eating while I was in high school in my final year. I believe what started it was when I realized I would soon have to be on my own and had to figure out what I was going to do after high school. Change really bothers me, and usually if I feel change around me, my binge eating becomes way worse. All through my first two years of university I have been binging. I was so afraid to make new friends that I would stay in my room and binge. Although I ended up building great friendships with people, there is still so much out there that scares me. I'm afraid of receiving poor marks, I'm afraid that people won't like me or won't like my piano playing ( I'm currently in university for classical music), I'm especially afraid of moving to Victoria and making a life for myself. When ever these thoughts arise, I binge. I feel so overwhelmed with decisions that I eat and eat. Whenever I would have a good time with my boyfriend, or a long phone conversation with him, I would binge after. I couldn't understand why I would do this because I always have a great time with him and I couldn't possibly ask for a better boyfriend. I realized its because I'm so afraid of losing him.
I narrowed it down to this, now it is a matter of conquering that fear, I'm just not sure how.
06/07,2009, at 17:38
Visit Deb
Selma,
I prayed for you in church today. Turn your fear over to GOD. Just talk to him when you are scared. God always listens. Being aware of why you binge eat is one of first steps to conquering you eating disorder. By identifying what triggers your ED you will be able to stop the binge before it starts. If you get fearful or anxious you can pray, blog, write in a journal about your feeling, talk to GOD or a friend about it, take a walk any thing that will distract you. If you still end up bingeing you need to forgive yourself and just keep on trying. Each day that you surrender the ED the urge to binge will become less and less. There will be many hills and valleys to climb and go through but you are strong and you are a survivor. You can and will beat this ED. Just remember it's in GOD's time not ours. Try to be patient as frustrating as it can be. I have been fighting the battle 24 years and I am still fighting it and there are so many days I cry out to GOD and say why am i still suffering but know I know it all apart of this plan. I have found this blog: a place where I can share my feelings and be able to be accepted and loved and understood but more importantly I am reaching out to others in need. I have always wanted to have other EDer's. I hope by sharing my story I can truly help others recover along the way. If I can help just one person that would truly be a blessing. My hope is that everyone will eventually be ED free but for today knowing I am touching lives gives me the reason to keep on battling the ED and going forth with my recovery as scary as that is at times. Please know you are loved and accepted and I am here for you.
Love,
Deb