Take that, ED!
After a weekend of exteme binge eating I finally have a day where I am healthy. I treated my body well. I have a feeling that this summer will finally enjoy life. I was reflecting on some of the dark times I had the past couple of years.. one of them being last winter. I recall sitting outside in the freezing cold chain smoking with an aching belly full of food. I remember the tournment and turmoil running through my mind. This happened countless times. I can feel those clouds starting to part, and a new life awaits me. I don't want to hide away in guilt and pain while my friends are out having fun. I don't want to miss another sunny day sitting by the fridge, making up any excuse to skip class or socialize with my friends because I was too ashamed and felt too fat and full to be in public. I don't want to fantasize about food when I am upset. I want to put my bathing suit top on and run through the sand. I want to laugh and smile and not have to fake it. And you know what, I damn right deserve this. I deserve to feel beautiful and free, and so do all of you. I am going to live a life I deserve, where I only eat to nourish my body, and I adress my emotions in a healthy matter. I'm done. It's time to let go, and be free.
06/03,2009, at 06:55
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Selma,
That's wonderful news. Iam so glad you have decided to be done with ED. Thank you for your comments as well. I can tell from your blog you are young girl. Please let me be an example to you. I am going to be 40 this year and I have endured anorexia and bulimia for over 24 years and I have done tremendous damage to my entire body. I urge you to continue on your road to recovery. I don't want you to endure the years of bondage and suffering like I have. You are so right you do deserve to have a life that is free from all this crap. You are entitled to be happy, healthy and enjoy ED free days. There will be days that you may slip as I have had my share but we are strong survivors. You just have to keep telling yourself you can beat this. Don't give any power to the ED. The less power you give ED the better as ED will be a thing of the past. The more power we give the ED the stronger his voice comes and we fall prey to the lies and continue harming ourselves.Think positive thoughts about yourself. Know you deserve life. You are special. You are loved. I am here for you. Please be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself if you slip as this is part of the journey. Take care of yourself. I am praying for you.